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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28916394">Why and Wherefore I Exist</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsWinghead/pseuds/MsWinghead'>MsWinghead</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Stevetony One Shots [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Fix-It, Emotional Constipation, M/M, Marriage, POV Steve Rogers, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Protective Steve Rogers, Same-Sex Marriage, Short &amp; Sweet, Short One Shot, Steve Rogers Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Vows</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:09:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,621</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28916394</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsWinghead/pseuds/MsWinghead</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve recalls the events of his life with Tony, from the first impression, going through their separation until reaching reconciliation, and spoiler alert: the retrospective makes a billionaire philanthropist hero cry and change his name in the end 😉</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Steve Rogers/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Stevetony One Shots [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2120802</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Why and Wherefore I Exist</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Since I first saw you, I knew I would never forget you. I knew I would never forget your face again.<br/>
We first met in circumstances that weren't exactly friendly, we didn't like each other at all in the beginning. At least, that's what all of our mutual friends say.</p><p>But that's not true.</p><p>I loved you from that first moment, but I didn't know if I was allowed to say what I felt. More than that: I didn't know I was loved back. Amid so many misunderstandings, we did what we do best: we defended and fought. Until we needed to assemble to save the world, together, for the first time.<br/>
We managed to convince ourselves to make a truce, to become friends and to trust each other. You then invited all of us, invited <em>me</em>, to live with you in that Tower that I had spoken so badly about.</p><p>Who knew I’d think of it as <em>home</em>?</p><p>But I would accept everything, as long as you were there. I had left our disagreements behind, regretting every rude and mean word had I said to you. I just couldn't ask for forgiveness from the only person who mattered: <em>you</em>. But I had made up my mind that I’d do everything possible to make up for that horrible first impression you have had of me. I wanted to be close to you, to love you, even if, for that, I had to pretend that I felt nothing but friendship. If that was the price to pay to have you around, I would pay.<br/>
</p><p>We became real friends. The best. We were the best leaders our team has ever seen. You trusted me. And I wish you could hear my heartbeat every time you got close to talk about that day's fight, about a new project that you were very excited about, or just to do nothing. You always chose to do nothing with me. And that was much more than I could have <em>ever</em> asked for.<br/>
You believed me when I promised that we would win together, but I knew I could never stop loving you when you believed when I said that we would lose together, that we would be together no matter what happened.</p><p>Unfortunately, a short time later, I discovered such a big secret, a secret that wasn't mine to tell, that, for the first time in a long time, I didn't know what to do. I didn't have an answer for what to do with that information, that was so serious, and had the power to transform our lives forever. I thought of you before anything. I thought about how you would feel, how it would affect your life, how you would react. Then I wondered if it would bring us together or tear us apart.<br/>
The problem is that, unbeknownst to me, there were more people wanting us away from each other than I could’ve imagined. There were more people out there who knew how important the two of us were to each other. And it took me too long to make a decision.</p><p>Until someone took it for me.</p><p>And it destroyed everything I thought I had built with you since that first meeting. You hated me, but the betrayal I saw in your eyes tore my heart in half. I’d <em>never</em> cheat on you. I just took too long thinking about how to protect you, when, in fact, I <em>should have</em> acted.<br/>
When I left you alone in that bunker, I left you there thinking that I had never felt anything real for you, that everything we lived and shared had been a convincing and convenient lie. Never was. It was always so much more. It was always real.</p><p>It was always <em>love</em>.</p><p>That's why I left you, because I knew that you couldn't stand me at that moment. You needed space to understand everything that had just happened, you needed time to process years of lies and half-truths. I just wish I could tell you that, in the midst of so much mistrust, you could still trust me. But you would <em>never</em> believe me again, would you?<br/>

</p>
<p>So, I ran away, but I never left you. I followed you from a distance, especially when you got into that alien ship and didn’t return. I thought I had lost you forever. I plunged into an abyss much deeper than the one in which I was once frozen. It was a much colder place without you being there. A world without you no longer deserved to spin, no longer deserved to see the sun rise, because you should be the reason for everything. If you were no more, what was the purpose then?<br/>

</p>
<p>I kept fighting because that was what I still had. Without you, without your smile, without your energy, without your constant presence, even if far away, I just needed to wait until I died too. I could wait. I deserved that torture. If I was there with you, maybe I could have stopped you from getting on that ship, or I could have gone with you.<br/>

</p>
<p>Until a miracle happened and you came back to me. I gave you the space you needed, I gave you all the time you demanded, and I waited until you came to me and I swear my heart almost burst with happiness and relief when you came to talk to me.</p><p>You said <em>you forgave me</em>.</p><p>That resentments were corrosive and that you wanted to start over. I couldn't agree more.<br/>
Together, as it should have always been, we saved the entire universe. We found and held those stones together, shared the power, hurt each other, but we did what was necessary to save each other. We managed to undo mistakes that should never have been made, such as never having the courage to admit what we really felt for each other, since that very first meeting.</p><p>You said <em>you loved me</em>.</p><p>I cried with happiness for the first time in decades, because I was finally able to look you in the eye and say those three words that have <em>always</em> been ready for <em>you</em>. All of this has brought us here.<br/>

</p>
<p>I know that what we lived is much more complex than what I made it seem, but today isn’t the right time. Today, it is time to say that you are a mirror of my dreams, someone so special that transforms my days in a hundred different ways in just twenty-four hours. You take me from the chaos to paradise in just an instant, with just one look. You are that delicious sensation that the autumn chill brings, that shiver that something is about to happen. Living with you is always being in an eternal expectation, knowing that something incredible can happen at any time.<br/>

</p>
<p>You make me infinitely happy, and you make me complete because you let me see who you really are. In the crowd, your smiles are always bright and calculated. But I’m the only one who has the privilege of seeing your real smiles, the ones that reach your eyes, that make you shine all over. And I’m the only one for whom you let your tears show, without fear of being vulnerable, because you know that I’ll take each one as a gift of your trust in me and take care of you, forever. I’m the one who sees behind the perfect shell, because I love your imperfections.<br/>

</p>
<p>You are the reason why I survived, even when I thought I had lost you, because I knew I’d find you somewhere. You are why and wherefore I exist. You are the one I will take care of, no matter the difficulties.<br/>
No matter where you go, I will accompany you. Because <em>you</em> are the one <em>I love</em>.</p><p>The meaning of my existence is <em>you</em>, Tony.”</p><p>Steve took a deep breath and smiled. He hadn't written his vows on a nice card like Tony. He just improvised, but it didn't take much effort. All he had to do was open his heart like never before, because this was a moment that wouldn’t happen again.</p><p>Tony was crying copiously, amid failed attempts to smile. "Steve-I-You-What did you..."</p><p><em>I love you</em>, Steve spoke without making a sound, just to Tony. </p><p>They turned to the officiant, who had a funny expression on his face, as if he was holding himself back from crying, too. "Anthony Edward Stark, do you take Steven Grant Rogers as your husband?"</p><p>"Y-Yes, I do," Tony managed to sob.</p><p>The officiant turned to Steve. "Steven Grant Rogers, do you take Anthony Edward Stark as your husband?"</p><p>Steve looked at Tony, wiped a tear from his face, and smiled. "I do."</p><p>"By the power invested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you married. Congratulations," announced the officiant.</p><p>The guests - only their closest friends – broke out in cheers and celebrations to the new couple, the now named Stark-Rogers.</p><p>"I love you, Tony," Steve said, afraid that all of New York could see his smile.</p><p>"It's not fair that your vows were so beautiful," Tony sniffed and wiped a tear that ran down with the back of his hand. "Look the mess I am now."</p><p>"You still look stunning, Mr. Stark-Rogers." Steve blinked, delighted by the sound of the two names together. They matched Tony perfectly.</p><p>Tony composed himself enough to smile crookedly. "Our names look great together."</p><p>"We both look great together." Steve hugged his husband around the waist.</p><p>"No one can deny that, darling." Tony smiled the most beautiful of smiles, and Steve swore to himself that he would make Tony smile like that every day.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading!</p><p>Kudos and comments are always a delight 😊💙</p></blockquote></div></div>
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